Hey, I was invited to take part in the latest movie blogger meme by the wonderful Marc over at Go, See, Talk. The idea is to pretend you run a movie theatre and schedule a week of double-bills for that cinema. There are no other rules, save for the fact that you run a triple-feature on Sunday. So I peered into an alternate universe where I was allowed any sort of responsibility, and came back with a handy brochure for Cine-Moi, the exclusive high-end movie theatre experience that my alternate self has somehow bamboozled his way into running (not into the ground… so far). Let’s see what a typical movie schedule might look like.
Welcome to Cine-Moi, the cinema of choice for movie-goers of the highest taste. Of course, you’ll find all the major theatrical releases – large and small – on our screens each and every weekday (check the back of this pamphlet for schedule information), but we also like to do thinks a little differently. We recognise that not all of us have had the chance to see the classics on a big screen, so we have an entire cinema reserved to show classics old and new every night of the week. Each and every night of the week, there’s a double-bill of films along a particular theme, changing nightly. Be sure to stop by once in a while to see what’s on the slab.
Monster Madness Monday
9pm: Nosferatu
The original big-screen vampire adaptation as it was meant to be seen. Lovingly restored and projected on to the big screen, Nosferatu will play with a live piano accompaniment of the original score.
Book early to avoid disappointment!
11pm: The Fly
Why is it always mad science that goes wrong? Watch horror maestro David Cronenberg (A History of Violence, Eastern Promises) update the classic transformation horror for a new generation. We’ll be serving finger-food in the foyer beforehand, but only for those with strong stomachs!
Twofer Tuesday
7pm: Mars Attacks!
What’s better than one Jack Nicholson in the middle of an alien invasion? Two Jack Nicholsons in the middle of an alien invasion! Join us for a celebration of the art of budget-saving Hollywood-style, as we give you – not one! – but two movies featuring actors in dual roles. Be sure to take advantage of our two-for-one ticket offers!
10pm: Dead Ringers
Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the cinema, David Cronenberg returns to offer you two Jeremy Irons for the price of one! The film will be introduced by our own local twin gynecologists discussing the cultural legacy of the film on their medical profession!
Wild West Wednesday
7pm: Once Upon a Time In The West
Sergio Leone’s epic spaghetti western on the big screen, as it was intended to be seen, charting the conflict over a small plot of land owned by a poor widow, and the men who would fight for her or against her.
10pm: Unforgiven
Don’t you think you deserve an opportunity to see one of the most influential Westerns ever made on a gigantic cinema screen? Well, deserve’s got nothing to do with it. Many have suggested that the Western died off because Clint Eastwood hunted it down and put it out of its misery, with this deconstruction of the films that made him famous. I can’t speak to it one way or the other, and not just because I’m scared of old William Munney. With Eastwood leading and behind the camera, he’s assembled an all-star cast.
Third Instalment Thursday
Three of a kind! The night we celebrate two third entries in two beloved franchises.
7pm: Goldfinger
Worth it for the theme tune alone, perhaps the quinessential James Bond, shown the way it was intended to be seen. A local band will be performing a collection of iconic Bond themes in the foyer from 5pm.
10pm: Toy Story 3
You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll do it all over again! The third instalment in Pixar’s celebrated Toy Story trilogy, with remaindered Woody and Buzz dolls distributed randomly on the way out of the cinema, so you can take some of the magic home with you.
Friday Night Date Night
Enjoy a luxury romantic dinner at the chipper across the street when you book two tickets for either showing. They’ll throw in a half-a-bottle of bubbly if you book for both.
7pm: Chasing Amy
Don’t let the fact it stars Ben Affleck fool you (he was da bomb in Phantoms)! Perhaps Kevin Smith’s most mature film, Chasing Amy is a story of all the crazy and illogical things that love can be, especially when we least expect it. Watch out for Silent Bob’s most powerful piece of dialogue ever, witness a wonderful romance in the rain, and prepare to discover what an “inker” does.
9pm: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Join us as local Doctor Martin Munroe explores the science of love as he introduces an unforgettable romantic comedy featuring Oscar-winner Kate Winslet and Oscar-deserver Jim Carrey, about cherishing and forsaking those romantic memories.
Saturday Morning Cartoons
Free adult with every two kids! Free giant soft-drink with every ticket purchased!
10am: Batman: The Mask of the Phantasm
Some might say it’s the best Batman movie ever made. We’re not sure we’d agree, but it’s damned close. Join us and the team from Batman: The Animated Series as we enjoy the theatrical feature-length adventure, starring Mark Hamill (Star Wars) as the Joker.
12pm: Beauty and the Beast (2D)
A unique experiment, hosted with the local theatre group as we conspire to bring Disney’s fairytale to life for a younger generation. Old favourites may appear and the Beast isn’t just confined to the screen as anything can happen. Academics might call it “participatory cinema”, but I just call it plain good fun.
Sunday Triple Bill
This time it’s editor’s choice as we don’t really stick to a pattern, we just go wild. These films need no introduction, presented on a big screen, with complementary soft drink and popcorn for all patrons.
3pm: 2001: A Space Odyssey
Note: A Space Odyssey will be introduced by a life quartet performance at 2.05pm, included in the ticket price.
6pm: The Godfather, Part I
followed directly by…
The Godfather, Part II
Join us next week (if we’re still in business), kicking of with not-so-Manic Monday, saluting the screen’s slackers – a screening of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off followed by The Big Lebowski (with complimentary White Russian to all those who show up in their dressing gowns – underwear required).
Filed under: Movies | Tagged: 2001: A Space Odyssey (film), arts, cinema, Clint Eastwood, david cronenberg, Double Feature Blog-A-Thon, Movie, Saturday morning cartoon, sergio leone, Theaters, Theatre |
the m0vie blog 
Hehehe we have the same style of writing our double feature 😉 … but I didn’t write much. Not in the mood to write long post.
Yep, mine isn’t even that long, but it was fun to write.
so you don’t open thursdays? i need to be single again so i can take hot girls out on your date night.
Yep, sorry, missed that. Amended now!
oh man, that’s a very strange pairing indeed! much teh same as my tight arse tuesday pairing i suppose. although i dont think i would pass up seeing either of these great movies at the cinema.
Love the links. I think Wednesday is my favourite day from your list.
Thanks. I’d be partial to it too. That or Sunday.
I guess it’s a good idea that you stick with your day job so that I can stick with mine. If there actually was a movie theatre that scheduled like this, I’d be there every day- even for your Saturday matinee.
Great choices. Although I’d add maybe a once a month noir nite!
Yep. It’d almost be fun to plan a whole month.
Love it. Lots of interesting selections. Count me in for Wild West Wednesdays, and I am drooling over the idea of seeing 2001: A Space Odyssey on the big screen on Sunday.
Also dig the Saturday morning cartoons idea. Good stuff!
Thanks Eric, much appreciated. I’d love to see it there too!
That was pretty darn awesome. I’m coming from Wednesday on 🙂 Definitely loved Saturday, also.
Won’t somebody think of the children? I guess we did – no matter what age they happen to be.
Batman Mask of the Phantasm is still my favourite Batman movie ever ! Love that you picked it ! And Dead Ringers, I dig it, but a lot of people despise it.. I kind of get why, but c’mon get your knickers out of a twist!
Nice choices!
Yep, I’m waiting for Warner to release it on blu-ray. The series is a cult classic, and I’m hard-pressed to believe the pwople releasing three animated Frank Miller Batman films in the lead-up to The Dark Knight Rises believe that it won’t sell.
I think this is my favourite lot of double features in this entire meme (that I’ve read so far at least). Monday and Saturday are particularly inspired!
Thanks Tom, that honestly means a lot.
You have been featured in a follow up to Double Feature Theatre, take a look here
Thanks Andy, glad to have you! We’ll roll out the red carpet.
This was a really good list. I’d probably have lived at your theater that week. Thanks!
I’m sure we could work out a discount 🙂
I’d like to book a ticket to Nosferatu, please. Do you think Billy Corgan will show up on his Ava Adore outfit? If he does attend, I would like a full refund.
Saturday and Sunday would be an excellent way to spend a weekend.
There really should be a “Hire a cinema” company!
That would be great. Or I could win the lotto and install one in my basement…
Holee Sheet, I love your Saturday Morning cartoons!! I knew you were smart but now I think you are beyond brilliant:) Also totally digging your Third Installment Thursday. That made me smile:P
Thanks for being part of this and it it looks like you had some real fun here. Smooth Darren, very smooth!
Thanks for the invite, Marc, it was a pleasure to take part!